I Miss

I miss the me I was when you were here,
When there always seemed to be a happy ending to every story and end of day.
There were a lot more birds singing and sun shining back when you were here.
You always looked for the good in each situation and in each person.
Each time I leave work or take a long drive,
I miss calling you to pass the time
I miss how tightly you'd hug me and the love I felt from you every time I talked with you. 

I miss the version of me that I was when you were here.
I miss the naivety that I had to grief and loss and miss the carefree days of my life before you were gone.
The version of me before you were gone was a lot less anxious,
a lot less sad,
more optimistic,
nowhere near as lonely,
bolder and less afraid of everything, 
and a lot more spirited.
Back then, everything was different - including me. 

I miss the version of me that had you here.
You believed in me even when I struggled to believe in myself.
You supported my passions and hobbies even if you didn't understand them.
You were the only one who didn't think me silly
or crazy with how invested I became in my language learning.
I miss the simple things
Like the fact that I could count on you to say "good morning" to me first thing after waking up.
I miss how you'd end each phone call with,
"I love you, sweetie" and how you'd always wait for me to hang up first.
I miss seeing how you lived your life seemingly always for other people over your own self.
You embodied love,
joy,
peace,
patience,
kindness,
and goodness - all the things I'm struggling to find and see and hold on to in my acute grief. 

I miss the always optimistic side of you.
I didn't naturally receive that trait from you so I struggle to find the good in such a cruel twist of life
- to make this free flowing thought end on a happy and positive note...
But even with each new sunrise and promise of tomorrow
I will always miss the me that was in the past back there with you.

"Te echo de menos", -"You're missing from me"